Patience and Stamina

So, we are around 6weeks into this venture and I feel that I can begin to be me now, I can start to show you, those of you who don't already know me, who I am (not that I am very good at disguising the real 'Me'). I say this because, I have only written about the business. A little about us, but predominantly about how things have been going in the set up of our café... So, I thought..

Today is Friday 19th May and this week as been dismal! Dismal in weather and dismal in the fact that I have had hardly any customers so very quiet and a little disconcerting because 'Where are you all..?' Oh that's right, the weather had SUCKED and if I had been clever and not started up my own business, I would be at home playing and cuddling with monkey pants!

So, like I said, today is Friday and it's 3:30pm and after washing out the fridge, restocking the drinks fridge and updating the menu, hosting a visit from the Environmental Health Officer about our food hygiene inspection (fingers crossed for a good number guys), who was a lovely and helpful chap; because Beaumont is enjoying a Nanna Friday with Nanna Chivers and Aunty and cousin Brunton-Douglas (Michael's family), I clearly have time to write to you, because... YOU GUYS ARE NOT HERE! Lol!

It's beena funny few months and forgive me if I repeat myself as I am sure that you have all been reading my blogs, but, I really expected to be a stay at home mum. I was resigned to it and I was looking forward to being barefoot and pregnant multiple times, but now, I am working again and I enjoy feeling useful, or rather I enjoy doing what I love which is entertaining people. I have always loved worked in events and I hope that you all enjoy the events that I host (see events page and children's activities). I do sometimes feel overstretched in that I want to work, but I desperately want to be a mum, a good mum and I hope that Beaumont and any subsequent children don't suffer because this is what makes me happy and indeed what I want and need to do. The conflict is hard to handle and I have no idea how women have been dealing with this for so long. I'm only new to the game, and damn!

I feel that the conflict is hardest at night. Beaumont is still breastfeeding and as much as the so called experts say that this eases during the year, it really hasn't. Beaumont still feeds like a new born and shows no sign of relenting as he feeds every 90mins and God forbid that I am busy in the café because my tits... Whooooooo! They fill up soooooooo fast! I have to get Michael or a friend to take him out so that the pressure eases but when I see him (I still don't understand the baby/breast telepathy that goes on, even when I look at a photo of him my tits ache!)..!

Last night for example, he suckled all night. When I say all night, I mean Aaaaallllllllllllllllll Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! I don't remember a time when my nipple was not in his mouth and should it have fallen out because he had fallen asleep, he was so quick to whip his tongue out and suck it straight back in that I had no chance. I was awake the entire time aware that my nipples were like prunes and my tits deflated and cold (he likes the full breast out, not just nipple - a proper little 'boob man')! So at one year old I do not see a time that he will not be breastfeeding. Don't get me wrong, if he needs it and wants it, then great. I will not force him to stop now, because I am happy that I can provide this source of comfort and nourishment, I just wish it wasn't so much at night time when I could really do with some sleep (now that I am at the café all day, I can't just grab a quick nap like I used to and boy do I love a nap)! It's doubly tricky as I am sure that you have worked out, we co-sleep (and yes, I know that not all of you will approve but it's what we do) and because of this, he can smell milk and he knows he can access it when he wans and needs.

So just like the café taking off and being the success that I want and need it to be, I need to be patient in Beaumont giving up the breast, the boobie milk. Oh and yes, he does drink cows milk, but it is no substitute for this magic elixir that I seem to be producing for him.

The great thing about the amount that he feeds is that at least I can use it as a weight management system as I am itching to exercise but have no time at the moment. I used to be a gym fiend and I miss working out so much. I am desperate to get back into it and I hate the fact that I host all of these exercise/fitness/wellbeing classes and can see everyone else getting involved and I can't! Arrrrgh!

I have asked Michael to give me an hour every morning before work, so hopefully you will see a more toned and even more hyperactive me before long! I don't want to lose weight btw, I just want to feel good and right now I feel more than a bit yuck with too big boobs (I used to be flat as a pancake with my 28AA boobs which I miss so much) which are either too full and leaking or a tad asymmetrical and droopy cos Beaumont has left one fuller than the other with milk and got distracted and decided that he would rather let mummy squirt milk all over the place than finish it off (yes, my boobs either leak or squirt across whole rooms like a fire hose and sometimes right in his face which never seems to bother him). Lol!

My stamina for life, success and health is relentless. I desperately want us all (you included) to enjoy life; its pitfalls as well as its peaks because without the rubbish we lose momentum and have nothing to strive for. I look forward to the day that we have completed our family, that we have made a success of our business, that we are all physically and mentally fit and well including our friends and family and those who meet along the way. I have had a lot of rubbish thrown at me over the years and life has been hard, harder than can be imagined at times. And yes, I know that we have all suffered in our own way, but how we survive and fight back and keep going is what really matters. I believe that I am stronger because of my experiences and no matter how hard they have been I would not have changed them because I would not be the strong person that I am today. I wouldn't want to go through them again mind, but, without them, if life were easy, then I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be me.

I know that it will take a while for the café to be a success, for our events to take off and for us to actually start bringing in an income (as you can expect, we're just paying out at the moment). Patience is a hard thing to muster and stamina a hard thing to build, but I'll get there and so will Beaumont with his breastfeeding and sleeping. He will eventually cut down and stop breastfeeding, he will eventually sleep through the night and on his own in his own bed, my tits will eventually go back to being small and perky (please let me just believe it even if it's not true) and eventually the not even the rain will stop you all from coming into the café because there will be so much going on day and evening that you will not be able to stop yourselves!

Ps. we will be hosting supper clubs, poetry slams, books and booze, experience dinners, quiz nights, ale tastings, networking and meet-ups etc in the evening from July!

What is annoying is that I don't have to be patient about wedding stuff as we talk about that a the time. The other day we were talking about venues for the ceremony and photos... That's really easy for us because we can control that bit. It's hard not being in control of your boobs!

See you next time